Long Overdue
‘Come back tomorrow evening…’
But I was not reassured. I remembered the fox. One runs the risk of crying a bit if one allows oneself to be tamed…
(The Little Prince)
I am getting married in six months… and I don’t want to. And its not because my boyfriend is not great. I just don’t think I am cut out for marriage. When I think of what life would be post wedding, I inevitably think about the arguments, the disagreements, how he would change from being a person who tries to self-improve to somebody who would give up trying and fall into a routine. I don’t have a problem with commitment, I never did. But deep down inside I am convinced that marriage take away more from us than it promises to give.
Over an year into the relationship and I can already see how some of the things he claimed to believe in are changing. I can already see patterns in his behavior that, despite his mostly accommodating attitude, seem to exude a hint of being stubborn just for the heck of it. I can also see how he has gotten used to having me in his life. I think most people stop walking that extra mile when they take their relationship for granted. Its humanly impossible to remain as excited about something as one is when things are just starting out. But I also know I am not the kind of person who can deal with somebody who refuses to make things work because he chooses to be stubborn about it.
But I guess things have reached a point where it is impossible to back out. I also know that things between us have reached a point where if I walk away, he wouldn’t put in too much effort into making me stay. This is not to say that there’s something wrong with him. I guess its just not as exciting as it used to be. And somehow I don’t think its the right approach to starting a new life with somebody. Its too negative to start with.
